As parents, our words and actions have a profound impact on our children’s emotional and overall well-being. Peaceful parenting is about nurturing a positive connection with our little ones, fostering mutual respect, and teaching valuable life skills. By eliminating yelling from our parenting toolbox, we create a safe and loving space where our children can thrive, grow, and develop a healthy self-esteem.
Yelling does improve temporary relief in moments of frustration, but it comes at a cost. Research shows that frequent yelling can lead to long-term negative consequences for children, including increased anxiety, lower self-esteem, and impaired emotional regulation. Let us make an intentional choice to break the cycle and choose healthier alternatives.
Participating in a 30-day no yelling challenge could be a wonderful way to create a more peaceful and positive environment for both you and your children.
Here are some tips to help you yell less:
Set clear intentions: Clearly define your goal and the reasons why. Understanding the benefits and the impact it can have on your family will help keep you motivated.
Establish alternative communication strategies: Yelling often happens when emotions are high and communication breaks down. Explore alternative ways to express your frustrations or concerns, such as taking deep breaths, using a calm and firm tone, or using “I” statements to express your feelings.
Practice active listening: Make an effort to truly listen to your children and acknowledge their feelings and perspectives. This can help defuse conflicts and promote understanding.
Model positive behavior: Remember that your children learn from your actions. By modeling calm and respectful behavior, you’re teaching them valuable lessons in communication and emotional regulation.
Identify triggers: Take note of the situations or circumstances that tend to trigger your yelling. By identifying these triggers, you can develop strategies to manage your emotions and respond more calmly.
Take regular breaks: Parenting can be stressful, and it’s important to take care of yourself. Take breaks when you feel overwhelmed or on the verge of yelling. Step away from the situation for a few minutes to calm down and gather your thoughts.
Seek support: Talk to your partner, friends, or other parents who are participating in the challenge or have similar goals. Sharing your experiences and seeking support can make the journey easier. Or book a session here. Use code “LAUNCH” for a discount
Be patient and forgiving: Changing ingrained habits takes time and effort. There may be times when you slip up and raise your voice. Instead of beating yourself up, acknowledge your mistake, apologize if necessary, and recommit to the challenge.
Celebrate successes: Recognize and celebrate your achievements along the way. Each day without yelling is a step forward, so acknowledge your progress and the positive changes you see in your family dynamics.
Reflect on the experience: Take some time to reflect on what you’ve learned and the positive impact it has had on your family. Consider incorporating the strategies and techniques you’ve developed into your everyday parenting style.
Are you ready to take the first step towards a more peaceful household?
Join The FREE 30-Day No Yelling Challenge
This is a commitment to refrain from yelling for an entire month. It’s a personal journey of self-discovery, growth, and transformation. By replacing yelling with patience, active listening, and positive reinforcement, you’ll build stronger connections with your children and create an environment where everyone feels heard and understood. You can do this anytime by yourself or join our community so we do it together.
Next steps
Download your challenge sheet below and follow us on instagram to get daily tips to keep you committed or at least laughing through it.
Follow us on instagram as we would post tips every day for the 30 days – We start on the 15th of July 2023 In sha’a Allah
Join our whatsapp community (link below) to have cheerleaders and get solutions to real life daily struggles. I think it would be great to have people cheer your on and celebrate with you and encourage you as you go.
Share this with your loved ones and your parenting tribe
By participating in the 30-Day No Yelling Challenge, you’re joining a growing movement of parents dedicated to creating nurturing and respectful environments for their children. Together, we can redefine parenting norms, inspire others to embrace peaceful approaches, and raise a generation of emotionally secure and confident individuals.
Are you ready to take the leap? Join us in the 30-Day No Yelling Challenge and witness the positive impact it can have on your family dynamics. Together, let’s create a world where love, understanding, and peaceful communication shape the foundation of our parenting journeys.
Remember, the goal of the challenge is to create a more harmonious and respectful environment for your family. Even if you don’t succeed every day, the effort you put into minimizing yelling and improving communication will make a difference.
Ramadān is a special one for all of us. It’s a time when we focus on reflection, growth, being better, connecting with loved ones, working on our spirituality and it gives us a good idea of our potential. For Muslim mums, it can also be a time when we feel overwhelmed and stressed, especially when we’re trying to balance the demands of Ramadān with the needs of our children. Here, we will explore some tips on how to get through Ramadan without yelling at your children.
Tip #1: Practice Patience
One of the most important things to remember not just during the special month, but always is to practice patience. This can be especially challenging when there are children who are testing your limits. However, it’s important to remember that this is a time when we’re supposed to be working on our spiritual growth and development, and that includes developing our patience. When you feel yourself getting frustrated, take a deep breath and try to remain calm. Lean on the sunnah and go make wudhu.
Tip #2: Set Realistic Expectations
Another key thing is to set realistic expectations. This means recognizing that you may not be able to do everything you normally do during the day, and that’s okay. It’s important to prioritize your time and focus on what’s most important. This might mean letting go of some household chores or other activities that aren’t essential during this time. It also means picking your battles with the children. Not in the way of letting go of boundaries but everything does not have to be an emergency.
Tip #3: Take Care of Yourself
It’s easy to get caught up in taking care of others especially during Ramadān, plus it is ibadah but it’s important to remember to take care of yourself as well. This means making sure you’re getting enough rest, eating well, and taking time to recharge your batteries. When you take care of yourself, you’ll be better equipped to handle the challenges that come with parenting during Ramadān. Always factor in your breaks. You need them to stay mostly sane.
Tip #4: Be flexible
Life doesn’t always go according to plan any other month and especially during Ramadān. We all always feel like there is not enough of day to just do all the things. So try not to get too frustrated if things don’t turn out exactly how you envisioned them. Instead, focus on being flexible enough to adjust plans as needed while still keeping everyone safe and happy in the process!
Finally, we encourage you to join the no-yelling challenge. This can be a fun way to hold yourself accountable and try to reduce your yelling.
In conclusion, getting through Ramadan without yelling at your children can be challenging, but it’s definitely achievable. By trying out these simple tips, we can ensure that we remain calm and collected throughout Ramadān while teaching our children valuable lessons and modelling good behaviour along the way! With patience, understanding, flexibility – plus lots of love – we’ll make it through this blessed month together!
What other tips would you add to this? Can you go 30 days without yelling? Did you try the challenge? Do let us know in the comments.
Ramadān is a very special month for us. And I try to make it very significant in our home. It’s a time of reflection, prayer, and worship, and we are trying hard to create a spiritual environment in our home that helps us focus on our faith during this month.
One of the ways that we intend to do this is by setting up a Ramadān Ibadah corner in our home. This is a dedicated space where we can pray, read Quran, read books to the children, listen to the Qur’an together and engage in other acts of worship throughout the month.
Setting up an ibadah corner doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive. In fact, it can be a fun and creative project that you can work on with your family. Here are some tips to help you get started:
Find a dedicated space: Look for a space in your home where you can set up your ibadah corner. It could be a corner of your living room, a spare room, or even a nook in your bedroom. Choose a space that’s quiet, private, and free from distractions. Walls are great to be used as borders.
Gather your supplies: You’ll need a few supplies to set up your ibadah corner, such as a prayer mat, Qur’an, tasbih, and a small table or shelf or small baskets, to hold your supplies.
Decorate your space: Add some personal touches to your ibadah corner to make it feel more special. You could add candles, or even some fresh flowers to create a serene and calming environment. If you get into crafts with the children, can hang some of it on the wall. As the saying goes, less is more. Sometimes, just a whiff of incense does the trick. The purpose of this space is worship, so try to avoid pictures, electronic devices (unless used for Qur’an recitation), avoid stuff and clutter. Small baskets or low lying shelves can be used to hold needed items. For moms, designating a basket with stuff to keep younger children engaged during salah. Try to stay clear of items that make a sound so others are not distracted as a result.
Use this space: It is so easy to do so much in terms of preparations but we now get too lazy to follow through. The adults remain the greatest models for the children. Once you’ve set up your ibadah corner, make sure you use it throughout the month. Try to spend some time in your corner every day, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Use this time to read Quran, pray, dhikr or engage in other acts of worship.
For us, setting up an ibadah corner has been a wonderful way to create a spiritual environment in our home and the children have loved seeing the space change. We moved things around to make the space Alhamdulillah. If you’re thinking about setting up an ibadah corner in your home, I highly recommend it. It’s a simple yet powerful way to create a space for prayer, reflection, and worship during this special month and for the family to connect as well. And maybe creating a physical space just might make it easier to make the time and create the space for these ibadah we so badly want to do. Do not be too focused on what you do not have, start with what you do have. May we always find Allah ﷻ sufficient for us.
May Allah ﷻ allow us to reach the blessed month and get the blessings of it. Amin!
Toddlers look so cute. A combination of genes, the budding independence and confidence. I mean, they look you square in the eye and say “No” to anything you ask. They also have a no-so-cute side which includes aggressive behaviour like hitting and biting. This is a natural progression at this age and also a huge concern for many parents. No one likes being hit or bitten by a toddler. Then it is one thing to take it at home but then your child hits or bites another on the playground and you become so triggered. And sentences like, “I will not allow you to be a bully” start to form in your head.
Hold your horses! Your toddler is not a bully.
When you think about it, it is understandable. You probably feel frustrated at times. Like I got stopped twice by the VIO in one morning and I arrived my destination just upset. Or you have invited friends or family over and just as you put in the rice to boil, your cooking gas is finished. It is frustrating.
Imagine how much more difficult that is for a little one who is eager to explore the world, but unable to express their thoughts when they run into trouble.
You can ask others to respect your boundaries. Your child may think knocking a playmate over is the logical way to get their toy back. The other day at the playground, my son was on a swing and this other boy came by and started pushing the swing really fast, and he said “no” but the boy didn’t stop. I was making my way to them and I could still hear him saying “no” and just before I intervened, he hit him. He just needed his boundaries respected AND hitting is not appropriate behaviour.
We can teach our children that there are healthier ways to handle these situations.
Positive reinforcement and close supervision can help keep the peace and speed up the learning process. Here are some strategies for dealing with aggression in young children.
Preventing Aggression:
Limit temptations: Some triggers are avoidable. Childproof your home by keeping fragile and dangerous items out of reach. Choose activities your child will find engaging. They probably like messy play more than they like eating out in a formal restaurant.
Distract: Keep distractions on hand. Play games or sing songs if you need to lighten the mood.
Your child is more likely to act out if they are tired: And unfortunately, they are not going to say, I am tired. Toddlers need 11 to 14 hours of sleep each day, which may mean one or two naps. A balanced diet and plenty of physical activity helps too.
Talk about feelings. Help your child to understand their emotions and empathize with others and this you can do by modelling just that. How would you feel if someone just grabbed your phone while you were scrolling and wanted to play with it? Not happy for sure. So, step into their shoes.
Rehearse responses. Practice what to do in various situations. That way your child will be more prepared for disagreements during play dates and long lines at the supermarket.
Monitor media consumption. Movies and TV shows contain a lot of violence, and small children are especially impressionable.
Be a role model. When you’re calm and peaceful, you teach your child to make smart choices too. They’re watching to see how you handle traffic jams and rough days at work.
Dealing with Aggression:
Break it up. It’s often preferable to let children work out their differences themselves. However, there are times when you need to step in if emotions are too strong or someone may get injured. Safety is important for all involved.
Go home. Public tantrums happen even when your parenting skills are top rate. However, removing your child from the situation can help them to calm down and until they are calm, you cannot teach.
Model. You cannot ask them to not hit others and you hit them. It is conflicting information. Frequent spankings tend to undermine a child’s self-esteem (“It is bad to hit someone but my mummy/daddy hits me, so what is wrong with me that I deserve it?”) and it also increases the chances they’ll use physical force themselves.
Seek professional help. If your child or even you seem unusually violent and angry, speak to a professional. There may be something else going on.
And don’t forget to appreciate positive behaviour. No one likes it when they feel like everything they do is not right. Appreciate when they are responsible and kind including resolving differences with words and taking turns.
Most toddlers and preschoolers will naturally develop more self-control as they grow older. Until then, you can reduce aggressive behaviour by providing a loving home, consistent positive discipline, practicing peaceful alternatives to aggression, allowing space for conflict resolution and practicing non-violent communication.
Holidays are so exciting. It is a time for the whole family to reconnect and this is necessary especially if most of the family do not live in close proximity with each other. Eid is round around the corner but these tips will work for any holiday with family. Eid is a very exciting holiday and it is such a blessed time to be around family. However, this comes with some anxiety for most parents and then some more for those who have chosen to parent differently or more intentionally. There is this invisible demand for perfection and comparison. And so holidays or time with other members of the family can be overwhelming AND exciting for both the parent AND the child.
There is the stress of traveling with your children, a change in their routines or rhythm for the day, a new space and sometimes this results in more overwhelm than excitement and as such, is a great recipe for tantrums and connection-seeking (We don’t say attention-seeking). There is a tendency to shift to fear-based parenting. Where we tell our children that when they obey us, do as they are told without question and behave well then they get a reward and the compensation for “misbehaviour” is that they lose something or they don’t get something earlier promised to them. This backfires as it further increases anxiety and even erodes the child’s confidence.
So what can we do instead?
Keep your child(ren) in focus
It is supposed to be an exciting time for bonding and you may need to talk to them about the people visiting or the people you will be visiting. The children are the first priority and it helps to keep your actions and inactions child-focused. Let it not become something they dread.
It is so hard to just sit and listen to unkind comments thrown at you or your child. You could smile and excuse yourself. Or you could decide to hold a boundary. Know that people’s one-off comments are not enough to unravel all that you have done to lay a good foundation with your child. However, it is important to decide what you are going to do, maybe it is okay to let this slide or maybe it isn’t okay and there is a need to hold a boundary. What is your child needing? What are you needing?
Set expectations
It is important to have clear expectations. It isn’t just about rules and regulations but let your children know what to expect and who will be there and a possible timeline of events. Children thrive best with rhythms and routines and so much unpredictability can be overwhelming and that never looks good. Go ahead and prep them for social expectations as well. For example, “what do you need to do before you go into any room?” and you can make it fun with some role playing and games.
Consider your child’s personality
If your child is more reserved, they may need a lot of timeouts and that can even be just trips to the bathroom especially if they recognise it as the only private place (And would be better without some aunty yelling that they are going to pee too much or making them the focus of the conversation because they moved in their seat). For a more outgoing child, it could be challenging getting them ready to leave and so it is important to notify them and get them prepared before they really have to go.
Have a CODE word
Sometimes there might not be space for privacy and you child really needs to communicate something to you but they may feel embarrassed to just say it out. You can decide a random word that lets you know that they need a break or some private time with you or they just need space. Feel free to pick any word – ‘Hammer’, ‘Green’, etc. And honour it!
Show yourself some grace
It is a stressful time and it is okay if you feel overwhelmed too. However, if you are unable to stay grounded, your child(ren) can absorb all of that and that will look like more tantrums, and connection-seeking behaviour. So take deep breaths, practice smiling and find moments to slow-down within the day. Holidays can be very fast-paced. Remember, your child depends on you to regulate their emotions.
Peep the food
That sugar-high behaviour can be so unpredictable and the celebrations are filled with so much sugar treats and candies. Be conscious and feel free to step in and hold a boundary. It helps to have healthy choices on hand.
You are the best parent for your child. You are your child’s advocate. Set your child up for success. Don’t put them on the spot asking them to redo something they recently accomplished. Don’t force them to hug or shame them when they ‘forget’ to greet or if they ‘forget’ to say thank you. No need to yell. Just gently remind them by saying, “Thank you Aunty Aisha for the gift or money.” Wait people still give children Eid money right?!
If you have read till here, you are awesome, just because you are trying to do right by your child and I appreciate you.
