As parents, our words and actions have a profound impact on our children’s emotional and overall well-being. Peaceful parenting is about nurturing a positive connection with our little ones, fostering mutual respect, and teaching valuable life skills. By eliminating yelling from our parenting toolbox, we create a safe and loving space where our children can thrive, grow, and develop a healthy self-esteem.
Yelling does improve temporary relief in moments of frustration, but it comes at a cost. Research shows that frequent yelling can lead to long-term negative consequences for children, including increased anxiety, lower self-esteem, and impaired emotional regulation. Let us make an intentional choice to break the cycle and choose healthier alternatives.
Participating in a 30-day no yelling challenge could be a wonderful way to create a more peaceful and positive environment for both you and your children.
Here are some tips to help you yell less:
Set clear intentions: Clearly define your goal and the reasons why. Understanding the benefits and the impact it can have on your family will help keep you motivated.
Establish alternative communication strategies: Yelling often happens when emotions are high and communication breaks down. Explore alternative ways to express your frustrations or concerns, such as taking deep breaths, using a calm and firm tone, or using “I” statements to express your feelings.
Practice active listening: Make an effort to truly listen to your children and acknowledge their feelings and perspectives. This can help defuse conflicts and promote understanding.
Model positive behavior: Remember that your children learn from your actions. By modeling calm and respectful behavior, you’re teaching them valuable lessons in communication and emotional regulation.
Identify triggers: Take note of the situations or circumstances that tend to trigger your yelling. By identifying these triggers, you can develop strategies to manage your emotions and respond more calmly.
Take regular breaks: Parenting can be stressful, and it’s important to take care of yourself. Take breaks when you feel overwhelmed or on the verge of yelling. Step away from the situation for a few minutes to calm down and gather your thoughts.
Seek support: Talk to your partner, friends, or other parents who are participating in the challenge or have similar goals. Sharing your experiences and seeking support can make the journey easier. Or book a session here. Use code “LAUNCH” for a discount
Be patient and forgiving: Changing ingrained habits takes time and effort. There may be times when you slip up and raise your voice. Instead of beating yourself up, acknowledge your mistake, apologize if necessary, and recommit to the challenge.
Celebrate successes: Recognize and celebrate your achievements along the way. Each day without yelling is a step forward, so acknowledge your progress and the positive changes you see in your family dynamics.
Reflect on the experience: Take some time to reflect on what you’ve learned and the positive impact it has had on your family. Consider incorporating the strategies and techniques you’ve developed into your everyday parenting style.
Are you ready to take the first step towards a more peaceful household?
Join The FREE 30-Day No Yelling Challenge
This is a commitment to refrain from yelling for an entire month. It’s a personal journey of self-discovery, growth, and transformation. By replacing yelling with patience, active listening, and positive reinforcement, you’ll build stronger connections with your children and create an environment where everyone feels heard and understood. You can do this anytime by yourself or join our community so we do it together.
Download your challenge sheet below and follow us on instagram to get daily tips to keep you committed or at least laughing through it.
Follow us on instagram as we would post tips every day for the 30 days – We start on the 15th of July 2023 In sha’a Allah
Join our whatsapp community (link below) to have cheerleaders and get solutions to real life daily struggles. I think it would be great to have people cheer your on and celebrate with you and encourage you as you go.
Share this with your loved ones and your parenting tribe
By participating in the 30-Day No Yelling Challenge, you’re joining a growing movement of parents dedicated to creating nurturing and respectful environments for their children. Together, we can redefine parenting norms, inspire others to embrace peaceful approaches, and raise a generation of emotionally secure and confident individuals.
Are you ready to take the leap? Join us in the 30-Day No Yelling Challenge and witness the positive impact it can have on your family dynamics. Together, let’s create a world where love, understanding, and peaceful communication shape the foundation of our parenting journeys.
Remember, the goal of the challenge is to create a more harmonious and respectful environment for your family. Even if you don’t succeed every day, the effort you put into minimizing yelling and improving communication will make a difference.
Ramadan is a time for spiritual reflection, self-improvement, and increased worship. For most Muslims, this includes attending taraweeh prayers at the mosque. And for parents of young children, taraweeh can be a whole other ballgame. Trying to pray with a toddler in tow can feel like a Herculean task, with distractions aplenty and a constant battle to keep them quiet. In this post, we’ll take a humorous look at the five stages of grief parents may experience while attempting taraweeh with toddlers. So if you’ve ever found yourself chasing your little one around the prayer hall instead of focusing on your worship, this one’s for you.
Denial: You’re excited for Taraweeh with your toddler. You want to raise them to be people who are connected to salah. You’ve got the snacks, the toys, and water, and everything else you need to keep them entertained for the next hour or so. You confidently walk into the mosque, feeling like a super mom. “This is going to be a piece of cake,” you tell yourself.
Anger: Three minutes into the first rakah, your toddler starts getting antsy. They start kicking and chatting and pulling the hijab of others or climb the back of others in sujood, and you feel your blood boil. “Why can’t they just sit still?!” you think to yourself. You start to get angry at your toddler, at yourself, and at the entire situation.
Bargaining: You start bargaining with your toddler. “If you sit still for just one more rakah, I’ll give you a whole bag of sweets” you plead. You remind them of boundaries set before but they don’t seem to remember. You try everything to get them to calm down and behave, but nothing seems to work.
Depression: At this point, you’ve given up. You’re feeling defeated and depressed. You look around the mosque and see other parents with their well-behaved children, and you can’t help but feel like a failure. The glaring eyes dont make it any easier and you start to wonder if you’re a bad parent and if you’ll ever be able to enjoy Taraweeh again.
Acceptance: Finally, after what feels like an eternity, Taraweeh ends. It is time for a deep breath of relief and you realize that you’ve made it through. You accept that Taraweeh with a toddler is just going to be difficult, and that’s okay. You smile and feel a sense of accomplishment knowing that you ALL survived.
Taraweeh with toddlers can sometimes feel like going through the five stages of grief. First comes denial, as you naively convince yourself that your little one will quietly sit through the lengthy prayers. Then comes anger, as your toddler decides to play peekaboo during the quietest parts of the night. Bargaining follows, as you try to bribe them with snacks and toys, only to have them throw a tantrum mid-rakah. Depression sets in as you realize you’re only on the second of eight or in some cases, twenty taraweeh raka’ats. And finally, acceptance, as you resign yourself to the fact that your taraweeh experience will involve chasing your child up and down the mosque. But hey, at least you’re burning some calories, right?
Just remember, you’re not alone. May Allah grant ease.
In the hadith about the those who will be under the shade of Allah on a day when there is no shade, two are most relevant here…
“A youth who grew up in the worship of Allah and one whose heart is attached to the mosques”
So this is the work.
And to whom it may concern, a reminder….
The Messenger ﷺ said, “Those who do not have mercy for our young and respect for our elders is not of us.” [Tirmidhi]
Toddlers look so cute. A combination of genes, the budding independence and confidence. I mean, they look you square in the eye and say “No” to anything you ask. They also have a no-so-cute side which includes aggressive behaviour like hitting and biting. This is a natural progression at this age and also a huge concern for many parents. No one likes being hit or bitten by a toddler. Then it is one thing to take it at home but then your child hits or bites another on the playground and you become so triggered. And sentences like, “I will not allow you to be a bully” start to form in your head.
Hold your horses! Your toddler is not a bully.
When you think about it, it is understandable. You probably feel frustrated at times. Like I got stopped twice by the VIO in one morning and I arrived my destination just upset. Or you have invited friends or family over and just as you put in the rice to boil, your cooking gas is finished. It is frustrating.
Imagine how much more difficult that is for a little one who is eager to explore the world, but unable to express their thoughts when they run into trouble.
You can ask others to respect your boundaries. Your child may think knocking a playmate over is the logical way to get their toy back. The other day at the playground, my son was on a swing and this other boy came by and started pushing the swing really fast, and he said “no” but the boy didn’t stop. I was making my way to them and I could still hear him saying “no” and just before I intervened, he hit him. He just needed his boundaries respected AND hitting is not appropriate behaviour.
We can teach our children that there are healthier ways to handle these situations.
Positive reinforcement and close supervision can help keep the peace and speed up the learning process. Here are some strategies for dealing with aggression in young children.
Limit temptations: Some triggers are avoidable. Childproof your home by keeping fragile and dangerous items out of reach. Choose activities your child will find engaging. They probably like messy play more than they like eating out in a formal restaurant.
Distract: Keep distractions on hand. Play games or sing songs if you need to lighten the mood.
Your child is more likely to act out if they are tired: And unfortunately, they are not going to say, I am tired. Toddlers need 11 to 14 hours of sleep each day, which may mean one or two naps. A balanced diet and plenty of physical activity helps too.
Talk about feelings. Help your child to understand their emotions and empathize with others and this you can do by modelling just that. How would you feel if someone just grabbed your phone while you were scrolling and wanted to play with it? Not happy for sure. So, step into their shoes.
Rehearse responses. Practice what to do in various situations. That way your child will be more prepared for disagreements during play dates and long lines at the supermarket.
Monitor media consumption. Movies and TV shows contain a lot of violence, and small children are especially impressionable.
Be a role model. When you’re calm and peaceful, you teach your child to make smart choices too. They’re watching to see how you handle traffic jams and rough days at work.
Dealing with Aggression:
Break it up. It’s often preferable to let children work out their differences themselves. However, there are times when you need to step in if emotions are too strong or someone may get injured. Safety is important for all involved.
Go home. Public tantrums happen even when your parenting skills are top rate. However, removing your child from the situation can help them to calm down and until they are calm, you cannot teach.
Model. You cannot ask them to not hit others and you hit them. It is conflicting information. Frequent spankings tend to undermine a child’s self-esteem (“It is bad to hit someone but my mummy/daddy hits me, so what is wrong with me that I deserve it?”) and it also increases the chances they’ll use physical force themselves.
Seek professional help. If your child or even you seem unusually violent and angry, speak to a professional. There may be something else going on.
And don’t forget to appreciate positive behaviour. No one likes it when they feel like everything they do is not right. Appreciate when they are responsible and kind including resolving differences with words and taking turns.
Most toddlers and preschoolers will naturally develop more self-control as they grow older. Until then, you can reduce aggressive behaviour by providing a loving home, consistent positive discipline, practicing peaceful alternatives to aggression, allowing space for conflict resolution and practicing non-violent communication.